Monday, June 27, 2011

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now...Is It Worth The Wait?

In our current dating culture where hook-ups are widespread and customary, both young and seasoned daters alike enter into relationships which lack clear definitions, expectations, and rules. Despite being biologically and socially wired to seek commitment and exclusivity, many women often settle for the status quo.  They sustain relationships with men waiting to see if something casual will turn into something more serious.  It appears that the need for companionship often outweighs the desire for something real.

We see this scenario play out time and time again.  Take for instance the recent split between George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis.  

Woman meets man.  Man tells woman that he is not ready/able/willing/interested in marriage/monogamy/commitment.  Woman continues to see man in the hopes that he will change his mind or that she has the power to change him.  Eventually they break up and woman realizes that man was not Mr. Right but was Mr. Right Now. 

So why do women continue to settle for Mr. Right Now?  Is there a lesson to be learned here?

1.  Women are socialized that being alone = you're damaged goods.
Although we have made huge strides for gender equality, women are still consistently judged based on their dating status.  Unfortunately, this only increases with age.  Women in their 30s and 40s are often asked by family and friends of their current dating status and single women often feel pressure to justify why they are single.   This  can place undue pressure on a woman to get a guy just to say that she has one.

2.  Women feel that there is a lack of quality men out there.
This is especially true for professional women and those who are members of minority groups.  For some the mantra is "All the good ones are either taken or gay."  This ideal, which is false by the way, will increase the likelihood that a woman will continue her relationship with Mr. Right Now instead of venturing out to find Mr. Right.

3.  Women believe the lies that men tell them.
This one may get a few of you a bit angry, but here goes.  You CANNOT change a man.  No matter how many men have told you that you are the best woman they know, or your sexual ability makes them weak, or there is no other woman like you, etc.  While all of these may be true, it is highly unlikely that your actions or physical attributes will make a non-committal man want to commit.  His commitment to you is primarily based on his decision and not you.

In closing, I suggest that it is worth the wait.  I am not advocating for women to be alone, but to be more selective in who they choose to spend their time with.  The attention from Mr. Right Now may feel good in the moment, but it usually hurts a lot in the end.  And it is definitely a lot worse than waiting for Mr. Right.

Want to find out if you are you dating a Mr. Right Now?  Click here

Need additional information, read some of my previous posts:
Was that a Hook-up?
Finding Your Relationship Deal-Breakers
Men You Should NOT date
Top 5 Lies Women Tell Themselves

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