Friday, July 22, 2011

Sex on the First Date, Taboo or To Do?

Although dating rules have changed tremendously over the years, most people have steadfast opinions about sex on the first date.  Regarding first date sexual activity, the common theme appears gender specific.  Women should be ashamed of their easy and immoral ways while men are expected to "seal the deal" and celebrate their conquest. 

Most of my female friends agree that sex on the first date is not a good idea.  Although many women have had this experience, the majority still disagree with it as a common practice.  Men, on the other hand, have much more varied views on the subject.  Half of them agree that women who "give it up" on the first date fall into the bad girl category and are not worthy of a commitment.  The other half don't judge women based on this and attribute sex on a first date to good chemistry or their male powers of persuasion.    

Clearly, there is a double standard that exists in acceptance of first date sex.  Men are split on the topic and women seem against it, although they frequently do it.  The divergence of opinion can be explained by gendered expectations of behavior and the reasons why people chose to have sex on the first date.

Women tend to have sex on the first date because they are:
  • Under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs
  • Seeking intimacy through sexual activity
  • Asserting their protest against traditional gender roles
  • Assuming it will make the guy like them
  • Insecure and looking for validation 

Men have tend to sex on the first date because they are:
  • Under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs
  • Eager to accept the offer of sex
  • Wanting a woman to develop an attachment to them (yes, this does happen)
  • Able to separate sex from emotions

So, should you have sex on the first date?  My answer depends.  I am not suggesting that men or women jump into bed with wanton disregard, but I do see three (and only three) reasons that make sex on the first date okay:
  • You want to have sex with this person
  • Your decision to have sex is based on what you want and nothing else
  • You can deal with the ALL of the consequences of this choice (i.e., possible pregnancy or STDs, not seeing this person ever again, a clingy emotional attachment, feelings of guilt and/or regret, etc.)  

If you can honestly answer yes to the above questions, go ahead and have fun (protected fun that is).  If not, you may want to wait until you can answer yes or you are in a committed relationship.

For more information, read some of my previous posts:


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