Learn To Assert Your Personal Rights

Getting your life in order requires prioritizing and focusing on what matters.  To do so, you need to develop ability to put yourself first.  Not meant in a selfish manner, but putting yourself means that you make your needs and care a priority.  It is impossible to adequately help others without first helping yourself.  Although difficult for most, it is possible.  Use the following rights to establish your place on your priority list.  Keep a copy of these on the bathroom mirror, at the office, on the refrigerator door, in your gym locker...wherever you will refer to it frequently. 

I have the right to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF

I have a right to MY OWN PERSONAL SPACE and TIME

I have a right to have MY NEEDS and WANTS respected by others

I have a right to MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS based on my feelings and judgment

I have the right to MAKE MISTAKES and not be perfect

I have the right to BE UNIQUELY ME without feeling I’m not good enough

I have a right to all of MY FEELINGS, not just those feelings other people want me to feel

I have the right to EXPECT THINGS from others

I have the right NOT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS' behavior, actions, feelings or problems

I have the right to EXPECT HONESTY from others

Adapted from: "21st Century Bill of Rights for Mothers" by Susan Van Scoyoc

Tips For Improving Your Body Image

Body image refers to how we perceive our bodies, the control we feel over our body, and how we compare ourselves to others.  Our body image is not constant, it fluctuates on a spectrum between positive and negative.  Those with a positive body image have a realistic understanding of the size, shape and function of their bodies.  Others who have a distorted view and are anxious, shameful or guilty about their bodies struggle with a negative body image.

Approximately 80% of women and 50% of men report being dissatisfied with some part of their bodies.  Men and women differ as to to which body part causes the most concern:

Female complaints

• Breasts
• Thighs
• Stomach
• Nose
• Arms                                                                                                                                                         

Male complaints

• Hairline
• Stomach
• Nose
• Breasts

Most of us face some kind of dissatisfaction with our bodies at least once in a lifetime.  It is normal to have occasional doubts or slight issues with our appearance.  Problems develop when people have more bad days than good and experience  consistent stress and worry about their bodies. 

For those who do struggle with a negative body image, here are some tips to encourage a more authentic view of self:

Concentrate on your genes, NOT your jeans 

Not all of us were meant to be a size 0 and weigh 115 lbs.  A small frame will forever remain an unattainable goal for some.  Take into account the structure of your body (i.e., bones, muscle mass, where you carry weight) and assess your family members to determine what is possible for your body.  

Focus on health 

Instead of striving to be thin or to look like someone else, make being healthy your goal.  Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep will increase your metabolism and make you feel better about yourself.

Accentuate the positive

Instead of focusing on what is wrong, celebrate what is right.  What are the things that you do well? Highlighting positive qualities increases your mood which indirectly affects how you look and how you think you look.

Get a support system

Surround yourself with positive people.  Increase the time spent with those who validate you and who have a positive image of themselves.  Limit your exposure to toxic people who put you down and make you feel bad.

Say NO to negative images

Limit your exposure to media that values and promotes an unhealthy ideal.  Magazines, movies, and commercials can subconsciously make you feel bad and critical of your body.  For example,  when I watch t.v. I do not watch commercials.  I take this time to check the weather, get something from another room, or send a quick text message.  

All of these can help to slowly turn your negative body image into a more positive one.  They are also good for those with a positive image, in helping them keep up the good work.

    

                                                

Using 7 C's to Be More Authentic

Lately, my mother has been reciting phrases (which include a series of C-words) when talking about situations that she has no control over.  These phrases help her focus, regain her personal rights and be able to say no when confronted with the thoughts or behavior of others.  I found these to be very enlightening and will include them below.

When you find yourself in a situation that you cannot control, tell yourself:

1. I didn't CAUSE it.
2. I can't CURE it.
3. I can't CONTROL it.
4. I can help CARE for myself by COMMUNICATING my feelings,
5. Making healthy CHOICES,
6. And by CELEBRATING myself.

These are coping mechanisms from the National Association for Children of Alcoholics to combat fault and guilt found in children of alcoholics.  In my opinion, we all can adapt these statements to increase our coping with difficult people, stressful situations, and everyday issues that we cannot control.

Recite these everyday until they are memorized, then refer to them in times of need.