Sunday, July 11, 2010

Finding Your Relationship Deal-Breakers

Deal-breakers are those things (character traits, lifestyle choices, behavior, etc.) in a relationship that can end the relationship.  Some people have very specific deal-breakers and others have general ways of evaluating whether or not they will continue a relationship.  

Common relationship deal-breakers:

  • Domestic violence 
  • Infidelity
  • Change in sexual orientation
  • Criminal activity
  • Substance abuse
  • Poor financial habits
  • Dishonesty
  • Undesirable personality traits
    • i.e., anger, jealousy, uncleanliness, conceit, etc.
It is a good idea to know your deal-breakers BEFORE entering into a relationship.  Upon meeting a potential mate, stick to your deal-breakers and DO NOT excuse them or assume your mate will eventually change. 

Steps to identifying your own relationship deal-breakers:

    Make a list 
    Write down all the things you can think of that you CANNOT tolerate in a     
    relationship.  This may take some time as it requires thinking of situations  
    that you have and have not experienced.  Get inspired by others using 
    situations from friends and family, and examples from the media.

    Revise your list 
    Most of us have just a few true deal-breakers.  The rest of our lists would 
    include dislikes, or traits we would rather not have to deal with.  But 
    remember that authentic relationships require work.  Our loved ones have 
    flaws, as do we, therefore many unwanted behaviors will not be deal-

    Follow your list
    Accepting or ignoring deal-breakers will inevitably lead to relationship 
    dissatisfaction.  No relationship is worth overlooking your deal-breakers 
    no matter how attractive, nice, or attentive a someone may be. 

If you have already established your deal-breakers, please comment and let us know what they are.


  1. This is very true! I made a list a few years ago, but of things I did want and didn't want. My deal breakers included Faith in God (being saved) and being educated and must be fine!! (lol jk)

  2. is good that you already have a list. In the future, make sure that you stick to it. If you find that it needs to be revised, do so, and go from there.