The Rules of "Friends With Benefits"

While I am eagerly awaiting the release of Justin Timberlake's (I LOVE him btw!) new movie "Friends With Benefits", I wonder whether or not men and women are capable of maintaining such relationships.  Romantic comedies try to convince us that friends with benefits (FWB) will eventually fall in love and live happily ever after.  Although they may go through some bumps along the way, they express their love and get it together in under 2 hours.     
Regrettably, most real life FWB situations don't turn out as well.  

So this got me thinking.  Can a FWB relationship be a good thing?  In my opinion, yes, but it depends.  There are many factors which will determine whether or not friends can have sex with each other yet keep their original friendship in tact.  I am not suggesting that friends should use each other for sexual gratification or that an arrangement such as this is for everyone.  The truth is, most friendships will not be able to withstand the complexities that are a direct result of having sex.  Emotional turmoil will keep most FWB from returning to their normal friendship.  Therefore, entering into a FWB relationship with your friend is probably not a good idea. 

But, for those who throw caution to the wind and have no-strings sex with their friends, a few things to consider:  

 

Rule #1: Establish some ground rules

Both parties should agree on their own FWB etiquette.  There needs to be a clear understanding of what is/isn't okay.  Do you spend the night together?  Are your encounters spontaneous or planned?  Are you sexually exclusive (if so, what is the point of being FWB)?  Do you tell other people?
These are better answered before sexual activity occurs.  Each party should know what is expected of them in order to decrease the potential for drama in the future.

Rule #2: Communication is key!     

I get that the point of a FWB situation is that you don't have to talk about relationship stuff.  But, in order for it to work, you DO have to talk about relationship stuff.  After the ground rules are set, continue to discuss the situation.  It is important to check in to see if it is "still working" for both parties and how to proceed if it is not.

Rule #3: Know when to say when

Remind yourself that this person is first and foremost your friend and the goal is to remain friends.  Therefore, you may have to put their needs ahead of yours.  Is he/she acting differently?  Do you have a feeling that they are wanting more/less from the situation?  If so, it may be time to end it.

Unfortunately, most FWB relationships only benefit one person.  The one who can remain emotionally unattached and doesn't equate sex with love.  Usually the male will have an easier transition in and out of the FWB situation.  

 

  

Seniors Find Love Online

Proving that it is never too late to find true love, 90-year-old Molly Holder recently wed a younger 82-year-old Ed Nisbett after meeting on the popular Match.com dating website. 


Although ready to meet her Prince Charming, Molly was cautious and played it safe.  She asked her 41-year-old grandson to chaperone her first date.  And the rest is history.


Read more about the two love birds here: Never Too Late   

What's Good for the Goose Is Good for the...Cougar

Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher - 15 year age difference

Men dating women that are considerable younger than them is a widely accepted phenomenon in our society.  Although some scoff at these relationships, most are accustomed to seeing these types of May/December romances.  Many relationships like this exist as women are more likely to practice the "marriage gradient", a tendency to date/marry up with regard to income, height, weight, education level and age.  

Now the tables are turning and we are seeing more and more women dating younger men.  In fact, many women are now reporting that they prefer to date younger men.  AARP The Magazine conducted an online survey of people 40-69 and found that for women: 

• 35% complain about male baggage
• 23% did not know where to meet men and were meeting too few men
• 2% said sex on the first date is okay
• 35% prefer to date younger men 

Nick Cannon & Mariah Carey - 11 year age difference  

Increasing numbers of women dating younger men has not alleviated the stigma associated with this type of relationship.  It appears that women have more of an issue than men when discussing a relationship between an older woman and a younger man.  Attributing to this are stereotypes explaining why younger men would enter into such a relationship.  Younger men must be/have a:

The Mommy Complex:

The younger man is in need of a caretaker and dates older women as they are more domestic, nurturing, and caring.

Gigolo Joe:

A man will woo an older woman in the hopes of getting her retirement, pension, or insurance money.

                                                                                                                         

Secret Lover:

Secretly he is sexually attracted to older women and is addicted to dating them.

Second Time Around:

Most men lose their virginity to an older women.  Therefore, men who date older women are seeking to relive their first experience.

These stereotypes do not define most older woman/younger man relationships.  With increasing longevity, men and women see themselves as sexual beings for a longer period of time.  Divorce, not death of a spouse, is more older adults to enter into the dating scene.  Also, women, reaching their sexual peak later in life, are exploring different options and obviously having fun while doing it!