The Rules of "Friends With Benefits"

While I am eagerly awaiting the release of Justin Timberlake's (I LOVE him btw!) new movie "Friends With Benefits", I wonder whether or not men and women are capable of maintaining such relationships.  Romantic comedies try to convince us that friends with benefits (FWB) will eventually fall in love and live happily ever after.  Although they may go through some bumps along the way, they express their love and get it together in under 2 hours.     
Regrettably, most real life FWB situations don't turn out as well.  

So this got me thinking.  Can a FWB relationship be a good thing?  In my opinion, yes, but it depends.  There are many factors which will determine whether or not friends can have sex with each other yet keep their original friendship in tact.  I am not suggesting that friends should use each other for sexual gratification or that an arrangement such as this is for everyone.  The truth is, most friendships will not be able to withstand the complexities that are a direct result of having sex.  Emotional turmoil will keep most FWB from returning to their normal friendship.  Therefore, entering into a FWB relationship with your friend is probably not a good idea. 

But, for those who throw caution to the wind and have no-strings sex with their friends, a few things to consider:  

 

Rule #1: Establish some ground rules

Both parties should agree on their own FWB etiquette.  There needs to be a clear understanding of what is/isn't okay.  Do you spend the night together?  Are your encounters spontaneous or planned?  Are you sexually exclusive (if so, what is the point of being FWB)?  Do you tell other people?
These are better answered before sexual activity occurs.  Each party should know what is expected of them in order to decrease the potential for drama in the future.

Rule #2: Communication is key!     

I get that the point of a FWB situation is that you don't have to talk about relationship stuff.  But, in order for it to work, you DO have to talk about relationship stuff.  After the ground rules are set, continue to discuss the situation.  It is important to check in to see if it is "still working" for both parties and how to proceed if it is not.

Rule #3: Know when to say when

Remind yourself that this person is first and foremost your friend and the goal is to remain friends.  Therefore, you may have to put their needs ahead of yours.  Is he/she acting differently?  Do you have a feeling that they are wanting more/less from the situation?  If so, it may be time to end it.

Unfortunately, most FWB relationships only benefit one person.  The one who can remain emotionally unattached and doesn't equate sex with love.  Usually the male will have an easier transition in and out of the FWB situation.  

 

  

Are You Kidding Me? Mom allows 51-year-old actor to marry her 16-year-old daughter

Doug Hutchinson, 51-year-old star of "Lost" and "The Green Mile" recently wed 16-year-old Courtney Stodden.  Although Courtney was too young to legally marry Doug, she did so with her mother's parental consent.

Marriages with extreme age differences have existed throughout history.  Men in the Bible had young wives, kings and queens married at 12 and 13, and it was not uncommon for a landowner to chose the young girl next door as his bride.  Not to be outdone, celebrities have also married those much younger (i.e., Woody Allen, Jerry Lee Lewis, Larry King, etc.).  So this is not a new phenomenon.

As there is a long-standing history of such marriages, we still freak out when hearing stories like this.  In this case, you have to wonder what a 51-year-old and a 16-year-old have in common?  How did mom allow her daughter to marry a man 35 years her senior?  Is the daughter trying to become famous?

In each state, marriage consent laws specify at what age an individual may legally marry (hence why mom had to give consent since Courtney is not 18).  Assuming that these laws exist for a reason and that most young people don't have enough life experience to agree to marry, I wonder what criteria mom used to determine that her daughter was "ready".  Which is the bigger issue here, the age difference or the fact that mom agreed to this union?

For a list of U.S. age of marriage consent laws click here.

Read more about the newlyweds here.