Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Are You Kidding Me? Releasing a Sex Tape to Get Ahead...

Usually I try to provide detailed information as to the source of my various posts and rants. This time is no different, except I am waiting for the full information.  But, hearing about this study forced me to blog about it and get some discussion started.

A recent study conducted by an online dating website (CanDoBetter.com) states that women in the millenial generation or Generation Y have some interesting views on paths to success.  According to the site:

  • 64% of women would make/release a sex tape to become famous
  • 35% of women would blackmail a co-worker in order to get a promotion
  • 38% of women would sleep with a professor to get a good grade
  • 46% of men would buy an expensive gift for a boss to get ahead 
First and foremost, you must consider the source of the survey and that these results are only applicable to members of this particular dating site.  But, with constant media coverage of celebrity cases (Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Montana Fishburne, Kendra Wilkerson, Danielle Staub...) one could assume there may be an effect on those who are susceptible to media's influence. 

Secondly, I cannot confirm the validity of the results.  I have yet to receive a copy of the full survey (waiting on said survey to arrive) in order to check what methods were used and how the questions were worded.  

Despite the above, I wonder if this generation is overly desensitized to personal information made public and driven to succeed despite any and all costs?


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Rekindle Your Relationship: Back-to-School Style

Around this time of year parents and children are gearing up to go back to school.  A task often dreaded by students, parents rejoice at the thought of some free time.  Parents can also choose to take this time to reconnect with one another.  Couples may need to get reacquainted following a summer of child activities, rushed vacations and financial worries.  Here are some ways to get your back-to-school loving started:

Drive Each Other Wild - Instead of being the family chauffeur, let the kids ride the bus or carpool with a neighbor or friend.  Take advantage of those brief morning or evening moments and kiss your partner.  Be flirty, playful, and act like you just started dating.

Get Rid of The Guilt - I promise, it is okay to miss one soccer game or ballet recital or karate class.  Especially if you are going to work on your relationship.  Resist the urge to be SuperMom or SuperDad, earning perfect attendance at all of your child's extracurricular activities.  Your children will not hate you and/or need years of therapy because you chose a date with your partner over their activity.  Schedule an occasional date with your partner when the kids are practicing or competing.

Special Delivery - Most professions allow for a lunch break, be it 30 minutes or an hour.  Instead of eating last night's leftovers or the fast food value meal, make a special lunch appointment with your partner.  Since the kids are at school, meet at home for a lunchtime love session.  If you live too far from home, plan ahead, save some money, and invest in a hotel room for this occasion.

Add Some Spice - Have the kids complete homework or chores in their rooms while dinner is being prepared.  You and your partner can playfully cook dinner together.  Kneading dough, sifting flour, stirring sauces, and washing veggies can turn into romantic activities for two.  This time it is okay to play with your food!

Now that the kids are occupied with school, take some time each day (or at least each week) to foster intimacy with your partner.  Give your relationship the extra-credit it deserves.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Divorce and Race

In 2008, 3% of all marriages were interracial with the highest #s being between a White individual & an individual of some other race.   Some say interracial marriages have a higher divorce rates due to pressures (society & family) facing the couple.   This is not necessarily true, although there is a relationship to race and divorce.

Interracial couples tend to get married later and have higher income (=lower risk) and they have bigger age and education differences (=higher risk). 

The biggest predictor of divorce appears to be the racial composition of husband and wife.  

In interracial marriages, couples who are:
  • Asian/White are more likely to divorce than Asian/Asian 
  • (depends) Black/White are more likely to divorce than White/White 
  • -White women/Black men couples are twice as likely to divorce as White/White couples        
    -White husband/Black wife couples are 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples
    • Black/Black are more likely to divorce than White/White 

    Thursday, August 5, 2010

    Learn To Assert Your Personal Rights

    Getting your life in order requires prioritizing and focusing on what matters.  To do so, you need to develop ability to put yourself first.  Not meant in a selfish manner, but putting yourself means that you make your needs and care a priority.  It is impossible to adequately help others without first helping yourself.  Although difficult for most, it is possible.  Use the following rights to establish your place on your priority list.  Keep a copy of these on the bathroom mirror, at the office, on the refrigerator door, in your gym locker...wherever you will refer to it frequently. 

    I have the right to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
    I have a right to MY OWN PERSONAL SPACE and TIME
    I have a right to have MY NEEDS and WANTS respected by others
    I have a right to MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS based on my feelings and judgment
    I have the right to MAKE MISTAKES and not be perfect
    I have the right to BE UNIQUELY ME without feeling I’m not good enough
    I have a right to all of MY FEELINGS, not just those feelings other people want me to feel
    I have the right to EXPECT THINGS from others
    I have the right NOT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS' behavior, actions, feelings or problems
    I have the right to EXPECT HONESTY from others

    Adapted from: "21st Century Bill of Rights for Mothers" by Susan Van Scoyoc

    Wednesday, August 4, 2010

    How To Know If You Are Officially Over Them

    1.  Thoughts of them no longer stir up emotions
    2.  You can honestly say that you wish them well
    3.  Weeks go by with no thought of them
    4.  You no longer wonder if they think about you
    5.  Accidentally running into does not evoke fear
    6.  Current and/or future partners are not compared to them
    7.  You accept the relationship as it was and not what it appeared to be
    8.  There is no blame for what occurred in the relationship
    9.  The relationship is seen as a learning experience
    10. You feel strengthened and the prospect of a new relationship is exciting!

    Tuesday, August 3, 2010

    How To REALLY Get Over A Break-Up

    We are all experienced in this area whether we initiate a break-up or not.  For some the pain after a relationship ends can be mild and brief, while others experience tremendous heartache that seems to go on forever.  Several factors affect our level of functioning after a relationship ends: the length of the relationship, our emotional connection to the person, mutual vs. individual decisions to part, etc.  Regardless of what may have caused the break-up, the most important thing is the process we take to move on.

    Whether you bounce back easily or need more time to heal after a break-up, taking specific steps can help in the journey from heartache to healing.

    Step 1: Make a clean break
    The initial goal is to position yourself in a place where you can move on.  Those dealing with many emotions need a "spring cleaning" in order to facilitate healing.  Limit opportunities to relive the hurt: erase phone numbers, Facebook pages, text messages, chat IDs; block email addresses; request that friends and family do not encourage you to contact the person (if possible).  This may be more difficult if children are involved or there are financial ties.  In those cases, have others intervene for you (have your ex pick up kids from a friend/family/neighbors house, etc.) until you are ready.

    Step 2: Focus on you
    Turn you efforts on yourself and discover new things about you.  Spend more time with friends and family that are supportive.  Or make new friends that are fun and share your interests.  Devote more energy to success at your job, explore an old or new hobby, volunteer in your community.  Also, take this time to get a mental health check-up.  Visit a therapist, counselor, or spiritual/religious leader to aid in your restoration.

    Step 3: Re-invent yourself
    Keep on working on yourself, focusing what YOU need in life and in love.  Do not dwell on mistakes from the past, but push toward success in the future.  What are things you can do to improve yourself?  Going back to school, trying a new hair color, taking a vacation with friends, joining a book club, learning to play golf...what a great time to do things you might not have previously!  This step is not to correct what is wrong or attract a new mate, but to discover things about yourself you didn't know.

    Step 4: Continue to heal, heal, heal (*most difficult)
    Resist the urge to jump into another relationship (or back into the same one) until you know that emotions from your previous experience will not interfere.  Move on when you will not judge others based on your ex, and when you will not view new mistakes as repeats from the past.  How do you know if you are able to do this?  If you have to ask, then you are not ready.  In that case, go back to step 3 and enjoy getting to know yourself.

    I welcome your stories and comments on this post.

    Sunday, August 1, 2010

    Living the Single Life Today

    Is being single in today's society more difficult than ever before?  Do you wonder about the experiences of other singles?

    This documentary gives an in-depth look into the strengths and weaknesses of single life.  It is a good resource to show those of you who are single, that you are not alone.  Also for those who are not currently single, this film can increase your understanding of what your single friends may experience.

    For more information, check out Single: A Documentary Film