Wednesday, June 16, 2010

5 Things You Should NOT Say In Any Relationship

Advice for friendships, intimate relationships, family relationships, etc.

1. I don't care.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Either you are hiding your true thoughts or you really don't care.  If it's the latter, you should rethink the relationship.

Hate is a strong emotion that is very similar to love.  Therefore, hating someone is in a sense loving them.  Deal with why you are having negative emotions as a result of loving that person.

3. Why are you in my life?
YOU are the only one who can answer this question.  And if you are asking it, do you REALLY need an answer or do you already have one? 

4. Actions speak louder than words.
Oh, yeah? Then why are you speaking and not acting?  This statement makes you look as if you are trying to convince yourself.   

5. It's not you, it's me.
If this were true, then the other person would be ending the relationship.  Be honest and state why you want the relationship to end. 

The Truth About Infidelity (part 3) - To Tell or Not To Tell?

Would you tell your partner that you had an affair?

In a recent study on infidelity:
-Women are more likely to admit
-Women are more likely to end a relationship after they are unfaithful
-Women are more likely to begin a relationship with the person they had an affair with
-Men on average have more affairs than women

Some say honesty is the best policy while others think confessions are only good for the guilty.  Do people admit affairs to repair their relationships and gain forgiveness from their partners or do they admit affairs to clear their own conscience?

The reasons why people admit affair are varied and depend on many different motives:
     Regret - ashamed of behavior and confess out of 
                   obligation to partner
     Absolution - to forgive themselves some need                                      forgiveness from their partner
     Discontent - due to misery, confession is given 
                   hoping that relationship will end 
     Fear - admission due to anxiety that the truth will
                   eventually surface 

Yet, there are reasons why people choose to keep an affair secret:
     Worry- admission may end the relationship so some 
     Indifference - not caring whether relationship lasts or
               not, but silence keeps the peace
     Fear - information about affair may cause partner to
               seek revenge and have an affair themselves
     Status Quo- keep quiet because conflict resulting from 
               admission is undesirable
     History - it is not worth it to admit a one-time mistake 
               that will not happen again

In the end, is it better to tell the truth?  

Would you rather your partner tell you about an affair or keep it a secret?

Source: Brand, R. J., Markey, C. M., Mills, A. & Hodges, S. D. (2007) Sex differences in self-reported infidelity and it correlates. Sex Roles, 57, 101-109.