Children Who Abuse Parents

The number of children who abuse their parents is small yet significant.  According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics more than 9,000 crimes of violence against parents (3,380 completed acts and 5,750 threats) occurred in 2007.

Parental abuse, also called silent abuse, often goes unreported due to the shame and guilt felt by abused parents.  Parents feel they cannot reveal this family secret because their child may be punished/taken from the home and their parenting skills may be questioned.  The vast majority of parental abuse involves a male child abusing his mother or stepmother.  Abuse usually begins when the child is 12-16 years old and severity depends on the child's strength.  Stronger children rely on verbal abuse (threats, intimidation, manipulation) whereas weaker children use more physical forms (biting, hitting, kicking). 

 

Research highlights contributors to parental abuse:

- Role models of masculinity based on power and control

- Witnessing a father/partner/male abuse women

- Children who were physically or sexually abused themselves

- Controlling or overly indulgent parenting practices

- Poverty or extreme poverty

- High levels of stress

- Mental health issues (schizophrenia, bipolar, ADD, learning disabilities)

- Substance abuse

- Children who had been bullied by peers

What can parents do if their children become violent?

Safety - The first priority is safety for the parent and the child.  Parents should seek a safe environment just like any victim of an abusive situation.  

Seek help - It is important to resist the urge to keep the abuse a secret and/or feel responsible for the behavior.  Parental abuse is not going to disappear on its own and there is a high likelihood that it will increase. Qualified professionals can intervene and provide crisis management.  

Be patient - Repairing the parental-child relationship will take time. Parents will need to process their own emotions about the abuse while children receive necessary intervention.  Have realistic goals of how and when the relationship will get better.

Resources:

Local Sheriff's Office or Extension office: http://www.csrees.usda.gov/Extension/

National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.ndvh.org/

Source: Adolescent to Parent Abuse 

Are You Kidding Me? Child Leashes...

A friend and I were in a store the other day when we stumbled upon one of those child leashes shaped like a teddy bear.  A conversation began, filled with insight and many jokes, about the type of parent who would use one of these.

We have all seen children out in public running around and misbehaving while parents ignore or encourage the behavior.  Some of us have fought the urge to intervene, while others made their opinion known.  Despite whatever undesireable behavior we may see in a child, can anyone in their right mind agree with putting a child on a leash?

A child on a leash demonstrates lacking skills on behalf of the parent NOT the poor behavior of a child.  It is inhumane, degrading, and down-right lazy to put your child on a leash.  Leashes were created to control domesticated animals...pets who at times lack decision-making capabilities to remain near their owners.  It is to protect the pet and those who come in contact with it.

So who's bright idea was it to apply this technique to toddlers?

I have a better idea, take the $25 you were going to spend on the leash and enroll in a parenting class!

Any thoughts?

The Truth About Infidelity (part 2) - So You Think You're A Sex Addict?

There appears to be an epidemic among the numerous celebrities identifying as sex addicts.  It has become commonplace for those caught having affairs to apologize, call themselves a sex addict, and go to rehab.  But what many don't know is the severity of such a diagnosis.  Making light of a diagnosable mental disorder by people who simply lack self-control is a slap in the face to the 3-5% of people in the U.S. who meet the criteria for sexual compulsion disorders (better known as sex addition). 

 What is sex addiction?

"The behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex.  Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships" 

Sex addicts will attempt to justify their behavior through irrational means, making excuses and denying responsibility.  They engage in risky behaviors (unprotected sex, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism), have the potential for breaking laws, and their behaviors get progressively worse.  Most sex addicts do not get sexual gratification from their behaviors. 

Other behaviors associated with sex addition:

  -excessive use of pornography/strip clubs

  -multiple partners

     (mostly anonymous one-night stands)

  -compulsive masturbation

  -phone/computer sex

  -obsessive dating through dating sites/want ads

  -sexual harrassment

  -molestation/rape  

Can it be treated?

Yes.  Sex addition is very similar to other addictions with regard to physiological, environmental, and emotional factors.  Addicts will participate in 12-step programs, individual and family therapy, behavioral therapies, and medication to treat their behavior.  

Source: The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH) 

Medicinenet.com

Do you think you may be a sex addict? Take the Male Sex Addiction Test or the Female Sex Addiction Test.  These tests do not diagnose sex addiction, but can be tools to determine if you need help.  

Need to find a therapist in your area?  http://www.therapistlocator.net/

      

Talking To Teenage Girls About Aggressive Driving

A new Allstate Foundation survey reports an increase in the aggressive driving among teenage girls.  82% of teens use cell phones when they drive and over 49% report that texting is a distraction for them.  The number of girls who make poor driving choices is increasing and has surpassed that of boys.  Girls are more likely to speed more than 10 mph over the limit and less likely to confront peers who exhibit risky driving.

Other interesting findings about teen girls:
    16% admit that they are aggressive drivers
    51% plan to continue using cell phones while driving
    84% will adjust music during driving

Why are girls more aggressive drivers now? We expect boys to take riskier behaviors such as racing, stunts and driving in dangerous conditions.  Girls are more apt to engage in non-driving behaviors (talking/texting on cell phones, chatting with passengers, checking their appearance in the mirror, reading) which distract them from the road.

This presents an interesting topic for parents to address with current and future teenage drivers.  Many overstressed parents are relieved when teens can drive themselves to school and activities, and make trips on behalf of the entire household.  At the same time, parents worry about the impact of decisions their teen makes while driving.  So as a concerned parent, how do you talk to your teen about his/her driving habits?

 

Have conversations about the dangers of driving distractions

Cell phones, cd/mp3 players, mirrors can all cause enough distraction to have an accident.  Suggest that your teen turns their phone off or place it in the glove box or trunk before getting into the car.  Be adamant about the fact that their safety and the safety of others is more important than missing a call or text.  Also, encourage them to check mirrors and adjust music before they start the car.  One resource to use as a family is Oprah Winfrey's No Phone Zone pledge. 

Become aware of your teenagers driving skills

The thought of riding in a car with a teenager sends most adults into a panic!  But one way to measure the driving habits of your teen is to experience it first-hand.  During the ride, take note of the positive things they do as well as any areas in need of improvement.  Discuss these at a later date, DO NOT yell, criticize, or panic while they are driving.

Be a driving role model

As a parent, you are a major influence for your teens.  What you do is more important than what you say.  Therefore, it is important to watch your own driving behavior(s).  Practicing safe driving will encourage your teen to do the same.