Finding Your Relationship Deal-Breakers

Deal-breakers are those things (character traits, lifestyle choices, behavior, etc.) in a relationship that can end the relationship.  Some people have very specific deal-breakers and others have general ways of evaluating whether or not they will continue a relationship.  

Common relationship deal-breakers:

• Domestic violence 
• Infidelity
• Change in sexual orientation
• Criminal activity
• Substance abuse
• Poor financial habits
• Dishonesty
• Undesirable personality traits
• i.e., anger, jealousy, uncleanliness, conceit, etc.

It is a good idea to know your deal-breakers BEFORE entering into a relationship.  Upon meeting a potential mate, stick to your deal-breakers and DO NOT excuse them or assume your mate will eventually change. 

Steps to identifying your own relationship deal-breakers:

    Make a list 

    Write down all the things you can think of that you CANNOT tolerate in a     

    relationship.  This may take some time as it requires thinking of situations  

    that you have and have not experienced.  Get inspired by others using 

    situations from friends and family, and examples from the media.

    Revise your list 

    Most of us have just a few true deal-breakers.  The rest of our lists would 

    include dislikes, or traits we would rather not have to deal with.  But 

    remember that authentic relationships require work.  Our loved ones have 

    flaws, as do we, therefore many unwanted behaviors will not be deal-

    breakers.

    Follow your list

    Accepting or ignoring deal-breakers will inevitably lead to relationship 

    dissatisfaction.  No relationship is worth overlooking your deal-breakers 

    no matter how attractive, nice, or attentive a someone may be. 

If you have already established your deal-breakers, please comment and let us know what they are.

  

Things You Should NOT Do on a First Date

Dating rules are driven by societal norms, popular trends, and even advances in technology. Although the specifics may change with each generation, common standards exist and should be followed.

On a first date, DO NOT:

1. Talk about your ex or other past relationships: This should be self-explanatory, but many make this mistake.  Spending time discussing a past love may send the message that you are not over them and/or not into your current date.  If you are asked by your date, simply say, "We were just not right for each other" and change the subject.  
2. Play with your cell phone: Resist the urge to text/call others (except for emergencies), update Facebook or Twitter, check stock portfolios, or play a newly downloaded game.  Being nervous, disinterested or disrespectful does not send a good first impression.  If the date is so bad that you want to do these things, end it and enjoy the rest of your day/night.
3. Go to the movies: Sitting in the dark for 2 hours is not a good way to get to know someone.  It is a common dating option, but there are betters ways to spend time with someone new.
4. Refer to yourself in the 3rd person: A technique right out of a bad 80s "B" movie, there is no quicker way to turn someone off.  
5. MEN - Refuse to pay: Just because it's 2010, doesn't mean that acting like Prince Charming is passé.  It is customary, and has been for centuries, that the man pays for the first date.  And ladies...expect this to happen and let it happen.  Most guys report they expect to pay and feel it is their duty.       
6. WOMEN - Choose a salad if you usually order steak: A mistake many women make in an attempt to portray a dainty, health conscious image.  Men would rather date a woman who is not afraid to eat and does not obsess over every calorie.
7. Arrive late (unless you let them know): Ever heard the saying, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression"?  Being late is a good way to show someone how much you care...about yourself!
8. Take them to meet your friends or family: This one is easy and everyone knows it right? No. You would be amazed how often this happens.  A strong connection and feeling like you've known this person forever makes it okay to break this rule.  If you believe that, then you are just as crazy as they are.  Run Forrest Run!
9. Drink too much: Unless you want to look like you have an addiction, embarrass yourself, or put yourself at risk for bad behavior (and the unwanted consequences), stick to a two drink maximum.
10. Forget to tell someone of your plans: Dating is fun, but it can also be dangerous. Men and women should tell someone their whereabouts, so it is okay to break rule #2 if plans change.

I am sure there are many more first date no-nos, and would love to hear your suggestions.    

 

The Color Red and Attractiveness

Recent research suggests the color red can influence male perception of a female attractiveness.  Not only did male college students rate women in red as more attractive, they would also spend more money if on a date with her.

Read the article here: Red Means...Go

Dating An Ex

Are you thinking of getting back with your ex?  


When is it okay to give an ex another shot?  

Many have entertained this idea at least once in life.  Do I give them another chance or not? 
This decision is confusing as some chose to rekindle lost love while others decide a new partner is best.  Relationship experts are also split on this topic with some encouraging second chances and others forbidding them.  As the circumstances and players vary, it is difficult to say which choice will be best in all situations.  But, I am going out on a limb here and give concrete examples of when you should and should not date an ex.  
     
The relationship ended due to bad timing
Over our objections, life can move us in many different directions.  Job and educational opportunities, military service, and family emergencies can force us to leave a loved one behind.   If your relationship was interrupted due to circumstances beyond your control, consider giving it another shot.  Most likely in these situations, there were not any negative emotional consequences and your relationship with the ex is at least civil.  Reconnecting with this type of ex can also be fun and exciting!  It is like eating dessert first...you can skip the meal and head straight to good stuff.  


All other reasons for a break-up should bear a warning sign.  If your relationship ended because of commitment issues, infidelity, lack of communication, immaturity, outside interference, or other factors which should have been dealt with during the relationship...keep on moving!


Remember, an ex is an ex for a reason.