To Spank or Not To Spank?

According to a ABC news poll of 1,015 parents:

• 65% approve of spanking children 
• 50% spank their own children
• 72% think school teachers should not be allowed to spank children

It appears that most parents are okay with corporal punishment as long as they are in charge.

What are your feelings about spanking?

The Impact of Bullying Lasts Into Adulthood

The physical scars from bullying may heal, but psychological scars can last into adulthood. Recent research reports that kids who experience relational bullying (social shunning, rumors, exclusion, etc.) are more prone to depression, anxiety, and loneliness in adulthood. Both males and females who were the victims of relational bullying had higher rates of depression in adulthood, even if they had extensive support networks. Contrary to previous research, having a lot of friends does not reduce the lifelong effect of bullying for some children.


This research highlights the need for parents, school officials, and community leaders to recognize instances of, and to intervene on behalf of children who bully and those who are being bullied.

Children Who Abuse Parents

The number of children who abuse their parents is small yet significant.  According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics more than 9,000 crimes of violence against parents (3,380 completed acts and 5,750 threats) occurred in 2007.

Parental abuse, also called silent abuse, often goes unreported due to the shame and guilt felt by abused parents.  Parents feel they cannot reveal this family secret because their child may be punished/taken from the home and their parenting skills may be questioned.  The vast majority of parental abuse involves a male child abusing his mother or stepmother.  Abuse usually begins when the child is 12-16 years old and severity depends on the child's strength.  Stronger children rely on verbal abuse (threats, intimidation, manipulation) whereas weaker children use more physical forms (biting, hitting, kicking). 

 

Research highlights contributors to parental abuse:

- Role models of masculinity based on power and control

- Witnessing a father/partner/male abuse women

- Children who were physically or sexually abused themselves

- Controlling or overly indulgent parenting practices

- Poverty or extreme poverty

- High levels of stress

- Mental health issues (schizophrenia, bipolar, ADD, learning disabilities)

- Substance abuse

- Children who had been bullied by peers

What can parents do if their children become violent?

Safety - The first priority is safety for the parent and the child.  Parents should seek a safe environment just like any victim of an abusive situation.  

Seek help - It is important to resist the urge to keep the abuse a secret and/or feel responsible for the behavior.  Parental abuse is not going to disappear on its own and there is a high likelihood that it will increase. Qualified professionals can intervene and provide crisis management.  

Be patient - Repairing the parental-child relationship will take time. Parents will need to process their own emotions about the abuse while children receive necessary intervention.  Have realistic goals of how and when the relationship will get better.

Resources:

Local Sheriff's Office or Extension office: http://www.csrees.usda.gov/Extension/

National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.ndvh.org/

Source: Adolescent to Parent Abuse 

Dealing with Children and Lying

Many parents struggle with understanding the reasons behind the lies that their children tell.  Personally, I have  several friends who are currently questioning whether or not lying is a developmental or environmental issues.  How do you deal with the lies that your children tell and how do you teach them the consequences of lying in a manner that they understand?

Kids and Lying