I Can Forgive, But I Won't Forget...

I heard this statement during a conversation with a family member after hearing a sermon on forgiveness.  My pastor spoke on its true meaning and stated that in order to be forgiven for our sins, we must forgive the sins of others.  The concept is simple enough, but the action proves to be one of the most difficult tasks faced in a relationship.

Disappointment and heartache encountered in relationships are often the direct result of another persons actions.  An unfaithful partner, a scheming friend, an absent parent, or a disrespectful child can test our patience and willingness to forgive.  When we are betrayed, the event lingers in our minds and can appear in random thoughts.  We may even dream about the incident and how we could, would, or should have reacted.  Our spirits are scarred.  On those occasions that we are able to forgive, the above mantra rings true..."I can forgive, but I won't forget."

Forgiveness is necessary when we are wronged and is the basis for maintaining authentic relationships.  To truly forgive, we must also forget.  In order for healing to occur, the event and any negative feelings about the offender should be free from our thoughts.  True forgiveness is not meant for the offender, but for the offended.  Therefore, forgetting is a key step in the pathway to forgiveness.

In order to forget, we must understand the true meaning of forgiveness.   

Forgiveness of others IS NOT:

• An acceptance of the behavior
• A license to be offended again
• A sign of weakness

Forgiveness of others IS: 

• An expression of self-love
• A necessary step toward healing
• The only way YOU will be forgiven in the future 

Try forgiving and forgetting those who offend(ed) you.  Most likely they have moved on and don't remember or care what they did.  Shouldn't you enjoy the same freedom?  


   

Using 7 C's to Be More Authentic

Lately, my mother has been reciting phrases (which include a series of C-words) when talking about situations that she has no control over.  These phrases help her focus, regain her personal rights and be able to say no when confronted with the thoughts or behavior of others.  I found these to be very enlightening and will include them below.

When you find yourself in a situation that you cannot control, tell yourself:

1. I didn't CAUSE it.
2. I can't CURE it.
3. I can't CONTROL it.
4. I can help CARE for myself by COMMUNICATING my feelings,
5. Making healthy CHOICES,
6. And by CELEBRATING myself.

These are coping mechanisms from the National Association for Children of Alcoholics to combat fault and guilt found in children of alcoholics.  In my opinion, we all can adapt these statements to increase our coping with difficult people, stressful situations, and everyday issues that we cannot control.

Recite these everyday until they are memorized, then refer to them in times of need.