Are You Kidding Me? Mom allows 51-year-old actor to marry her 16-year-old daughter

Doug Hutchinson, 51-year-old star of "Lost" and "The Green Mile" recently wed 16-year-old Courtney Stodden.  Although Courtney was too young to legally marry Doug, she did so with her mother's parental consent.

Marriages with extreme age differences have existed throughout history.  Men in the Bible had young wives, kings and queens married at 12 and 13, and it was not uncommon for a landowner to chose the young girl next door as his bride.  Not to be outdone, celebrities have also married those much younger (i.e., Woody Allen, Jerry Lee Lewis, Larry King, etc.).  So this is not a new phenomenon.

As there is a long-standing history of such marriages, we still freak out when hearing stories like this.  In this case, you have to wonder what a 51-year-old and a 16-year-old have in common?  How did mom allow her daughter to marry a man 35 years her senior?  Is the daughter trying to become famous?

In each state, marriage consent laws specify at what age an individual may legally marry (hence why mom had to give consent since Courtney is not 18).  Assuming that these laws exist for a reason and that most young people don't have enough life experience to agree to marry, I wonder what criteria mom used to determine that her daughter was "ready".  Which is the bigger issue here, the age difference or the fact that mom agreed to this union?

For a list of U.S. age of marriage consent laws click here.

Read more about the newlyweds here.

Would You Let Your Teen Have Sex In Your Home?

Some parents insist that it is "safer" for teens to have sex at home rather than in the "unsafe" environments of cars, hotels, etc.  These parents are more comfortable when their teen(s) explore sexuality in a controlled environment where they as parents can intervene. 

                                                            

On the contrary, many teens (namely girls) report this freedom may damper their ability to say no to sex and may even damage their reputations when peers realize the permissive nature of their parents.    

This topic brings about many questions on how to govern this behavior.  Are parents going to supply teens with mood music, candles, and contraceptives?  Do you notify the parents of other teens visiting your home?  Are there rules to govern appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior (i.e., certain days/times, vetting partners, etc)?  Are parents aware of age of consent laws in their state? Would underage drinking and recreational drug use also be acceptable if done at home?

I can't imagine how a teen can be comfortable having sex with parents in the next room or how a parent can be comfortable with someone having sex with their teen in the next room.

Have we gone too far in our society with the acceptance and encouragement of teenagers having sex?

For more information, follow the link below:

                                                               Teen Sex in The Family Home

Was That A Hook-Up?

Hooking up has become a contemporary term used by adolescents and young adults to describe a number of different intimate activities.  But what does it really mean to "hook-up"?  And how do you know if you just "hooked-up" with someone? 

A "hook-up" can refer to any number of activities ranging from kissing and light touching to oral or genital contact including sexual intercourse.  The bottom line is that most hook-ups are defined by the degree of sexual contact that occurs.

Research on the "hook-up" yields interesting results.  Studies with college students reveal that hook-ups vary in where they begin, whether or not alcohol is a factor, and the what type of sexual contact occurs.

• 47% of hook-ups begin at a party (23% begin in the dorm)
• 14% of people know a little about their partner (50+% know them moderately or well)
• 46% report being slightly impaired (28% are extremely drunk)
• 34% of hook-ups involve light kissing & touching (23% involve sexual intercourse)

There is not one specific definition for a hook-up and the term is used in many varied situations.  Although, most hook-ups involve some sexual contact between two or more people who know each other moderately well, and have had some amount of alcohol.   

Understanding the definition of a hook-up is important for parents, teens and young adults.  

Parents - should know how their children use this term and what it means within their peer group.  It may be as innocent as a few kisses or much more, which can signal a need to communicate about sexual health and contraception.

Teens/Young Adults - need to have their own definition of hooking up and be able to get clarity from others.  It is a good idea to know the definition and subsequent expectations of your partner so that you can make choices about your own behavior.       

Rekindle Your Relationship: Back-to-School Style

Around this time of year parents and children are gearing up to go back to school.  A task often dreaded by students, parents rejoice at the thought of some free time.  Parents can also choose to take this time to reconnect with one another.  Couples may need to get reacquainted following a summer of child activities, rushed vacations and financial worries.  Here are some ways to get your back-to-school loving started:

Drive Each Other Wild - Instead of being the family chauffeur, let the kids ride the bus or carpool with a neighbor or friend.  Take advantage of those brief morning or evening moments and kiss your partner.  Be flirty, playful, and act like you just started dating.

Get Rid of The Guilt - I promise, it is okay to miss one soccer game or ballet recital or karate class.  Especially if you are going to work on your relationship.  Resist the urge to be SuperMom or SuperDad, earning perfect attendance at all of your child's extracurricular activities.  Your children will not hate you and/or need years of therapy because you chose a date with your partner over their activity.  Schedule an occasional date with your partner when the kids are practicing or competing.

Special Delivery - Most professions allow for a lunch break, be it 30 minutes or an hour.  Instead of eating last night's leftovers or the fast food value meal, make a special lunch appointment with your partner.  Since the kids are at school, meet at home for a lunchtime love session.  If you live too far from home, plan ahead, save some money, and invest in a hotel room for this occasion.

Add Some Spice - Have the kids complete homework or chores in their rooms while dinner is being prepared.  You and your partner can playfully cook dinner together.  Kneading dough, sifting flour, stirring sauces, and washing veggies can turn into romantic activities for two.  This time it is okay to play with your food!

Now that the kids are occupied with school, take some time each day (or at least each week) to foster intimacy with your partner.  Give your relationship the extra-credit it deserves.

Are You Kidding Me? Zaky Pillow

This post will require very little of my input since the product tagline says it all...

"Leave a hand with your child" 

http://www.zakeez.com/en/home/index.php

Also, notice how the product is not displayed on the home page.  You have to click on the product to see it.

I can agree with use for peemies in hospital NICUs as they cannot get constant contact from loved ones.   Other than that, these things are pretty creepy.

Thoughts???

Baby Learning Programs - Pass or Fail?

Many well-advertised learning programs promise to teach infants and toddlers to read, increase school readiness, enhance learning capabilities and so forth.  Commercials show children as young as 6 months reading aloud to ecstatic parents.  Sounds to good to be true, right?


Research has proven time and again that these programs DO NOT deliver advertised results.  Additionally, infants and toddlers who watch these videos can actually delay learning and mastery of language, reading, and other forms of communication.

Television exposure (especially for children who are not verbal) delays language development. 

Infancy is a period of development in which outside stimulation is key.  Baby brains grow and form connections based on the amount and variety of experiences they encounter.  Watching television is not a replacement for face-to-face communication and tactile stimulation (touching, exploring).  In fact, watching hours of television has been shown to reverse the current communication level of infants and toddlers.

What should parents do to enhance infant learning?

• Talk to them - Do not use baby language, your tone is most important. 
• Vary their activities - Take them to different types of places (grocery store, coffee shop, park, zoo, etc.)
• Teach them with music - Play classical music to soothe them and teach them to do things with songs
• Touch is important - Have "toys" that vary in texture and shape
• Read to them - Read any and every thing to your baby.  Vary your tone of voice for affect
• Turn off the T.V. - Refrain from using the t.v. as a babysitter and do have it on when they are in the room (at least until they can speak in full sentences)    

Nursery University

Navigating all of the things associated with education (cost, admission, recommendations, entrance exams) can be a nightmare for both parents and students.  It is a process that many prepare for well in advance...starting with preschool enrollment.  Choosing where to go, how much it costs, and how to get in are decisions that can be more difficult than admission into an ivy league university.


This documentary follows the process some parents encounter enrolling their children into exclusive and costly nursery schools.      

Relations Between Adults and Their Parents

The relationships that adult children have with their parents are varied and depend on many factors.  These relationships can be filled with enjoyment, but also worry.  Parents continue to worry about their adult children as their adult children being to worry about them.

A recent study found that regardless of the age of their parents, adult children are most concerned with their aging parents health.  On the other hand, parents worry about many things:

-Health

-Safety

-Relationships

-Finances

-Balancing work and family 

The amount of worry expressed between adult children and their parents is related to relationship quality. Parents who worry the most about their adult children may experience negative relationships, especially if they discuss their concerns with children, in comparison to parents who worry a bit less.     

Demographics such as gender and race also influenced worrying.  Girls worry more about their mothers, while sons worry about both parents equally.  Also, Black families in the study had higher rates of worry than Whites.

The moral of the story is that parenting is a never-ending process and children remain a source of concern for parents.  As people are living longer, adult children split their focus on their own children and their aging parents.  Relationship quality as we age, will depend on how we address our concerns and how we receive concern from others.     

 

Google Baby - HBO Documentary

Outsourcing fertility-International surrogacy & egg selling for profit

For a cost much less than in the U.S., people can use a surrogate in India to carry their baby.  After eggs and/or sperm is bought online, then freeze dried and shipped to India, it is implanted into a surrogate who will carry the baby to term.  Once the baby is born, the couple or individual travels to India to "pick up" their baby.

Also, women in the U.S. are selling their eggs as a source of income or to pay for a new house or upgrades to their current home.

These options help many who struggle to conceive a child, but how far is too far?  Comments?

Children Who Abuse Parents

The number of children who abuse their parents is small yet significant.  According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics more than 9,000 crimes of violence against parents (3,380 completed acts and 5,750 threats) occurred in 2007.

Parental abuse, also called silent abuse, often goes unreported due to the shame and guilt felt by abused parents.  Parents feel they cannot reveal this family secret because their child may be punished/taken from the home and their parenting skills may be questioned.  The vast majority of parental abuse involves a male child abusing his mother or stepmother.  Abuse usually begins when the child is 12-16 years old and severity depends on the child's strength.  Stronger children rely on verbal abuse (threats, intimidation, manipulation) whereas weaker children use more physical forms (biting, hitting, kicking). 

 

Research highlights contributors to parental abuse:

- Role models of masculinity based on power and control

- Witnessing a father/partner/male abuse women

- Children who were physically or sexually abused themselves

- Controlling or overly indulgent parenting practices

- Poverty or extreme poverty

- High levels of stress

- Mental health issues (schizophrenia, bipolar, ADD, learning disabilities)

- Substance abuse

- Children who had been bullied by peers

What can parents do if their children become violent?

Safety - The first priority is safety for the parent and the child.  Parents should seek a safe environment just like any victim of an abusive situation.  

Seek help - It is important to resist the urge to keep the abuse a secret and/or feel responsible for the behavior.  Parental abuse is not going to disappear on its own and there is a high likelihood that it will increase. Qualified professionals can intervene and provide crisis management.  

Be patient - Repairing the parental-child relationship will take time. Parents will need to process their own emotions about the abuse while children receive necessary intervention.  Have realistic goals of how and when the relationship will get better.

Resources:

Local Sheriff's Office or Extension office: http://www.csrees.usda.gov/Extension/

National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.ndvh.org/

Source: Adolescent to Parent Abuse 

Are You Kidding Me? Child Leashes...

A friend and I were in a store the other day when we stumbled upon one of those child leashes shaped like a teddy bear.  A conversation began, filled with insight and many jokes, about the type of parent who would use one of these.

We have all seen children out in public running around and misbehaving while parents ignore or encourage the behavior.  Some of us have fought the urge to intervene, while others made their opinion known.  Despite whatever undesireable behavior we may see in a child, can anyone in their right mind agree with putting a child on a leash?

A child on a leash demonstrates lacking skills on behalf of the parent NOT the poor behavior of a child.  It is inhumane, degrading, and down-right lazy to put your child on a leash.  Leashes were created to control domesticated animals...pets who at times lack decision-making capabilities to remain near their owners.  It is to protect the pet and those who come in contact with it.

So who's bright idea was it to apply this technique to toddlers?

I have a better idea, take the $25 you were going to spend on the leash and enroll in a parenting class!

Any thoughts?

Talking To Teenage Girls About Aggressive Driving

A new Allstate Foundation survey reports an increase in the aggressive driving among teenage girls.  82% of teens use cell phones when they drive and over 49% report that texting is a distraction for them.  The number of girls who make poor driving choices is increasing and has surpassed that of boys.  Girls are more likely to speed more than 10 mph over the limit and less likely to confront peers who exhibit risky driving.

Other interesting findings about teen girls:
    16% admit that they are aggressive drivers
    51% plan to continue using cell phones while driving
    84% will adjust music during driving

Why are girls more aggressive drivers now? We expect boys to take riskier behaviors such as racing, stunts and driving in dangerous conditions.  Girls are more apt to engage in non-driving behaviors (talking/texting on cell phones, chatting with passengers, checking their appearance in the mirror, reading) which distract them from the road.

This presents an interesting topic for parents to address with current and future teenage drivers.  Many overstressed parents are relieved when teens can drive themselves to school and activities, and make trips on behalf of the entire household.  At the same time, parents worry about the impact of decisions their teen makes while driving.  So as a concerned parent, how do you talk to your teen about his/her driving habits?

 

Have conversations about the dangers of driving distractions

Cell phones, cd/mp3 players, mirrors can all cause enough distraction to have an accident.  Suggest that your teen turns their phone off or place it in the glove box or trunk before getting into the car.  Be adamant about the fact that their safety and the safety of others is more important than missing a call or text.  Also, encourage them to check mirrors and adjust music before they start the car.  One resource to use as a family is Oprah Winfrey's No Phone Zone pledge. 

Become aware of your teenagers driving skills

The thought of riding in a car with a teenager sends most adults into a panic!  But one way to measure the driving habits of your teen is to experience it first-hand.  During the ride, take note of the positive things they do as well as any areas in need of improvement.  Discuss these at a later date, DO NOT yell, criticize, or panic while they are driving.

Be a driving role model

As a parent, you are a major influence for your teens.  What you do is more important than what you say.  Therefore, it is important to watch your own driving behavior(s).  Practicing safe driving will encourage your teen to do the same.      

 

Better Parenting Relationships or Lazier Teens

Contemporary parents get more access to the life of their teen than ever before.  Facebook and other social networking pages, academics, and other facets of teen live are open to parents more than most would think.  In a recent study of teens taking Kaplain prep courses for the SAT and ACT, 56% reported their parents had full Facebook profile access and 81% reported parents were involved in their academic lives.  Additionally, 37% of teens said they would work harder at schoolwork if parents monitored their progress. 

 Kaplan Survey

Is this a sign that relations between parents and teenagers are improving OR that teens are growing more comfortable with mommy and daddy doing the work for them?

Thoughts?

Dealing with Children and Lying

Many parents struggle with understanding the reasons behind the lies that their children tell.  Personally, I have  several friends who are currently questioning whether or not lying is a developmental or environmental issues.  How do you deal with the lies that your children tell and how do you teach them the consequences of lying in a manner that they understand?

Kids and Lying